This was a quickie right before I woke up one morning. How it starts and ends eludes me.
I'm in a garage, but there is a fairly large doorway that leads to the rest of the house. I'm lying on a blow-up mattress, covered in an old, lumpy sleeping bag, lying so that I'm staring into the bright doorway and hall. The garage is dark, cold and musty, and as I lay there, I can see the golden warmth of the rest of the house. My mother trudges into my garage bedroom, obviously exasperated. "Well, you might as well come in." I get excited. She asked me to come in and join the rest of the family! As I stand, I get hit with vertigo and stumble into the wall. I look up at her guiltily. She rolls her eyes and storms away. We're suddenly standing in a bedroom where the whole family is sleeping in a big bed together. My mother says something about me faking my vertigo. I'm suddenly furious and mortified. "Fuck it." I leave the warmth and glow of the family's communal room. I go back to my cold, dark garage alone. I lay down on my bed now facing away from the door and staring at the dark, grey cement wall. I can hear her talking about me to everyone else. I wake up feeling sick with embarrassment, humiliation and anger. It takes me a while to realize this one is actually a dream.
Thursday 15 August 2013
Dental piercings and terrible legs.
This one is a bit spotty.
Lately I've been having a lot of dreams about when I worked at the piercing shop - going back and working again mostly, or going back to visit old coworkers and my boss.
In this one I was getting pierced. In my front tooth. I initially had a big ring on my left front tooth. I could feel all of the enamel chipping off as I got it done, and immediately after thought "oh god... why did I do this?!" I knew this was forever and that I'd ruined my teeth for life. I kept asking the piercer to change it to a smaller barbell so I could eat, but kept getting told I had to leave the hoop in. I was eating hummus and then suddenly remembered this hoop, which I then took out and looked at this ghastly hole in the mirror. "Oh my poor beautiful teeth! I'm so hideous! My teeth were the only thing I had going for myself!". I walk past a full-length mirror to catch a glimpse of my legs, which are huge, lumpy, rolly things now with huge swells of varicosities. "God, I've let myself go. Why did I stop running??"
The piercing shop has turned into a lingerie store, and I'm stocking lacy bras. There is a potluck planned for after work which I am initially excited about. The fire alarm goes off, and I rush to the break room to help get everyone out safely. Everyone is lying down and being lazy. "Come on guys, we need to go and get out." Nothing. I go over to one girl who is lazing on a bed and I say "Lets go! Move your big fat butt!". The girl's eyes widen and immediately I know I've made a huge mistake.
We're back stocking lingerie and no one is speaking to me. I'm beating myself up. The potluck no longer includes me. Why did I say that? Why am I so stupid? I've forgotten how to talk to real people. I feel anxiety rising in me in my dream. I wake up feeling anxious and guilty.
Lately I've been having a lot of dreams about when I worked at the piercing shop - going back and working again mostly, or going back to visit old coworkers and my boss.
In this one I was getting pierced. In my front tooth. I initially had a big ring on my left front tooth. I could feel all of the enamel chipping off as I got it done, and immediately after thought "oh god... why did I do this?!" I knew this was forever and that I'd ruined my teeth for life. I kept asking the piercer to change it to a smaller barbell so I could eat, but kept getting told I had to leave the hoop in. I was eating hummus and then suddenly remembered this hoop, which I then took out and looked at this ghastly hole in the mirror. "Oh my poor beautiful teeth! I'm so hideous! My teeth were the only thing I had going for myself!". I walk past a full-length mirror to catch a glimpse of my legs, which are huge, lumpy, rolly things now with huge swells of varicosities. "God, I've let myself go. Why did I stop running??"
The piercing shop has turned into a lingerie store, and I'm stocking lacy bras. There is a potluck planned for after work which I am initially excited about. The fire alarm goes off, and I rush to the break room to help get everyone out safely. Everyone is lying down and being lazy. "Come on guys, we need to go and get out." Nothing. I go over to one girl who is lazing on a bed and I say "Lets go! Move your big fat butt!". The girl's eyes widen and immediately I know I've made a huge mistake.
We're back stocking lingerie and no one is speaking to me. I'm beating myself up. The potluck no longer includes me. Why did I say that? Why am I so stupid? I've forgotten how to talk to real people. I feel anxiety rising in me in my dream. I wake up feeling anxious and guilty.
Thursday 2 May 2013
Jawbones, Customs and Contractions
I never have dreams I'm at home and comfortable. I'm almost always travelling, and usually with a group. Is that weird? This one is from this morning:
I was on some kind of group outing/trip. The dream originated in an auditorium/cafeteria with a Starbucks. My dad and husband were there, and we were trying to get lunch quickly so we could head up to hear a speaker of some sort. I remember there being loads of caesar salad and nothing else. My entire tray was loaded up with it but kept being spilled or lost by those around me - my dad tipped it over, by husband left it balanced precariously on a ledge - and eventually I gave up. We sat in this cafeteria for a while and I was steaming mad over this damn salad.
The cafeteria warps into a larger, older, grander version of my house. It has huge front windows that stick out so far that they are actually in the street. I'm staring out the window watching kids go by for school. It's a mix between me watching the kids throw things at my window and watching a crack around the window grow and grow. I'm getting increasingly more anxious as the dream progresses until I leave to catch a school bus myself.
I'm on the bus and we're travelling to another country - Mexico, I realize. The bus is pulled over for an inspection at customs and we're informed we must stay at the border overnight so they can search our bus. The roof of the bus disappears and the whole thing morphs into some kind of long, narrow dormitory common room with one of the long sides open to this customs office. I'm sitting on the floor behind some man with long hair who is looking at my legs and telling me that they make me look pregnant because they're so hairy. I become completely embarrassed and pull my legs to my body and pull my pantlegs down as far as possible. I turn around and my husband is on the couch behind me smiling, looking very relaxed. I get up to sit on the couch with him and find a feather pillow which has been torn apart and stuffed with human jawbones and various other little bones. There is dried blood on everything. I realize suddenly that I'm pregnant and having contractions and that there is a murderer on the bus - I understand why they have kept us overnight to search the bus.
I'm completely naked and going into labor, covered in the dried blood from the bone pillow. I leave the bus to go tell the customs officers about what I've found. I'm hit with a contraction and dig my nails into the wall next to me and my belly. The officers stand and stare at me. I tell them I can't be on the bus with the murderer, I know they want my bones and those of my baby for their pillow. I'm told I can go into an adjacent room for safety while they look into the situation.
The adjacent room contains two other women. Both are very pretty and blonde, dressed in very outdoorsy clothing. Hiking boots, cargo pants, big heavy sweaters. I still stand naked and covered in dried blood. Time passes and I'm struck with the realization that these two women have been the murderers all along. I leave without saying a word and return to the customs office which is now in an airport terminal. I walk along the terminal, with travellers streaming past me in all directions. Contractions. Contractions. Each time I dig my nails into my belly and a wall next to me, both which are spongy and soft like bread dough. I'm standing behind a glass enclosed display case, gripping onto the wall, when someone approaches from behind me. "Are you okay?". It's a man, and his daughter comes to stand next to him. I am aware that for each second I don't answer the man, more and more people come to stop and stare. I tell him I'm fine, I just need to get home. I realize how sticky I am from this dried blood. I know if I tell the man I need help or that I'm in labor I will be killed.
Awake.
I was on some kind of group outing/trip. The dream originated in an auditorium/cafeteria with a Starbucks. My dad and husband were there, and we were trying to get lunch quickly so we could head up to hear a speaker of some sort. I remember there being loads of caesar salad and nothing else. My entire tray was loaded up with it but kept being spilled or lost by those around me - my dad tipped it over, by husband left it balanced precariously on a ledge - and eventually I gave up. We sat in this cafeteria for a while and I was steaming mad over this damn salad.
The cafeteria warps into a larger, older, grander version of my house. It has huge front windows that stick out so far that they are actually in the street. I'm staring out the window watching kids go by for school. It's a mix between me watching the kids throw things at my window and watching a crack around the window grow and grow. I'm getting increasingly more anxious as the dream progresses until I leave to catch a school bus myself.
I'm on the bus and we're travelling to another country - Mexico, I realize. The bus is pulled over for an inspection at customs and we're informed we must stay at the border overnight so they can search our bus. The roof of the bus disappears and the whole thing morphs into some kind of long, narrow dormitory common room with one of the long sides open to this customs office. I'm sitting on the floor behind some man with long hair who is looking at my legs and telling me that they make me look pregnant because they're so hairy. I become completely embarrassed and pull my legs to my body and pull my pantlegs down as far as possible. I turn around and my husband is on the couch behind me smiling, looking very relaxed. I get up to sit on the couch with him and find a feather pillow which has been torn apart and stuffed with human jawbones and various other little bones. There is dried blood on everything. I realize suddenly that I'm pregnant and having contractions and that there is a murderer on the bus - I understand why they have kept us overnight to search the bus.
I'm completely naked and going into labor, covered in the dried blood from the bone pillow. I leave the bus to go tell the customs officers about what I've found. I'm hit with a contraction and dig my nails into the wall next to me and my belly. The officers stand and stare at me. I tell them I can't be on the bus with the murderer, I know they want my bones and those of my baby for their pillow. I'm told I can go into an adjacent room for safety while they look into the situation.
The adjacent room contains two other women. Both are very pretty and blonde, dressed in very outdoorsy clothing. Hiking boots, cargo pants, big heavy sweaters. I still stand naked and covered in dried blood. Time passes and I'm struck with the realization that these two women have been the murderers all along. I leave without saying a word and return to the customs office which is now in an airport terminal. I walk along the terminal, with travellers streaming past me in all directions. Contractions. Contractions. Each time I dig my nails into my belly and a wall next to me, both which are spongy and soft like bread dough. I'm standing behind a glass enclosed display case, gripping onto the wall, when someone approaches from behind me. "Are you okay?". It's a man, and his daughter comes to stand next to him. I am aware that for each second I don't answer the man, more and more people come to stop and stare. I tell him I'm fine, I just need to get home. I realize how sticky I am from this dried blood. I know if I tell the man I need help or that I'm in labor I will be killed.
Awake.
Monday 29 April 2013
Zombies and Silver in Alaska
Forgive me for missed details - it has been a few days since this dream.
I was walking around what I knew to be Alaska. It wasn't icy, wintry Alaska, but rather like Northern Ontario in the early spring. I didn't know where I had to be, but I was confident I'd know once I'd arrived, and I had a sense of urgency - needing to be there *now* before something dire happened. I came upon a cold, clear stream. I could see rocks and large, glittery fish. Suddenly I'm standing in the middle of it on a class trip of some sort. It's a tour - look at the rocks, see the fish. We're surrounded by huge, looming evergreens and the sound of the tour guide's voice fades, and I'm wandering away on my own, once again on my mission.
Cutscene and I'm seeing myself from outside my body. I'm with a group of people in a very modest room without windows - felt like a basement. No furniture but a lamp, some garbage and sleeping bags we're all getting out of. There's an old silver flask in the middle of the room we're huddled around. Each one of us takes a sip - it's liquid silver and we're told it will keep us alive and protect us from the radiation. Suddenly I'm aware that it's the apocalypse and everyone has died or is quickly dying from radiation poisoning. I go outside and there are several vehicles of different ages and makes, covered in dust. I have to find one to take to go looking for supplies and survivors. I start checking them all, wanting to get the best one before the rest of the group arrives, looking for the newest, prettiest one. I'm looking inside the one I've chosen, the driver's door is open and I'm bent down into the car. I come out and there is a zombie there, eating from the neck of someone. I start thinking about how I should kill it to stay safe, when I see the zombie is also suffering from radiation poisoning. It's moving slowly, lazily, falling apart. Flesh and muscle tissue hangs from its limbs. I realize I need to hit out its legs to immobilize it and keep myself and the group safe. I'm feeling unwell - nauseated, dizzy - and suddenly start to panic that I haven't had enough of the silver. I'm getting sick, radiation poisoning has started to set it, and I'm stuck in the middle of a field with these cars in the forest by myself with irradiated zombies slowly moving in on me.
Awake.
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